If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I die, sorry about rent.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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