so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
