one might say we're banned from that church
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
