Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
