it hurts more in the daytime
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize