he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
