The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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