This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
