you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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I just had sex on a roof
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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