Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
