I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
