Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
