Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
