you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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