I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Everclear isn't food dammit
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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