you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
