STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
a search helicopter?!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
