is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
