so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Be still, my beating vagina.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
