If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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