I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
