apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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