I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
