Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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