Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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