i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
