I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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