If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
