I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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