My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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