WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
