do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
