Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I could fuck to npr.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
