my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
