she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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