Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
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I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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