Having a random hookup so left but love u
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you never un-have a 4some
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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