We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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