Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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