Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
