NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
