We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
