wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
