Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
