I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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