I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
