Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
