I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
