Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
