You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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