I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
