When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
They took my balls.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
