can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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