Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
