sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so let's talk penis.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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