Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
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I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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