i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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