Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
