i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
