bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize