ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
