In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
