Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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