My hand turned me down
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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