I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
