I can't breathe out the right side of my face
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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