I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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