last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Two words: blizzard sex
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
