Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
