Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
