Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just pee around me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
