just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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