i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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