i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
