DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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