Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
