my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
