Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
