We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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