UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
