somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
