so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
